No cheating please!

             I was in a mall in Makati when I decided to phone my friend who lives in Guadalupe. She became my best friend when I was still teaching in my previous school and she also became my kumare. We agreed to meet after lunch. After one and a half hour, I heard a familiar voice from afar. "Kumare!" she yelled and we hugged each other.  We discussed a lot of things from our pig out sessions, past favorites and even our misadventures in the past. My friend is still single. At the age of 34 she is still very pretty. She told me that she doesn't have any intentions of getting married in the future. My friend is a man-hater. I cannot blame her because I knew where she's coming from. She fell in love with a married man and they had a son. The man did not tell her that he's already married and when the man learned that she's pregnant, he confessed and left her. She did not pursue the guy anymore after learning from a friend that the guy has an affair with another woman. She didn't know the whereabouts of that man ever since. Jerk! Her agony seemed to be endless since then. What a sad story. But we all know that infidelity stories are not uncommon nowadays. Unfortunately, our society tends to shrug it off if the cheaters are men.
              Anyway, why do men cheat ? If a guy cheats does it mean that he doesn't love his partner?  I know that these questions  have been baffling so many women (including me) for centuries. You may have heard these hateful statements from men like: " Lalake lang ako", "Normal sa lalaki ang tumingin sa iba", etc.
         I'm a science person so normally I would like to find out if there is a  scientific explanation why men, in general tend to cheat in a relationship. I tried to search for the possible answers to this query and I came across this term called Coolidge effect.  Are you familiar with this term? Pardon me if I sound like  I live in Scienceville.  I'm just trying to explain a point.

According to the Free dictionary.com, Coolidge effect

is the stimulation of sexual behavior in a male animal upon exposure to a new female.

 Coolidge Effect is an observable fact that combines and correlates two branches of science; psychology and biology. It tells us that our mental state has a direct impact on our physical state. For example, when a  person gets angry, physical changes happen such as flushing up of his cheeks, reddening of his ears, widening of his eyes and  breathing rapidly. Similarly, when a man finds himself turned on by a member of the opposite sex, there are obvious physical changes. I won't discuss the details anymore here.

This observation does not pertain to humans only. It is a common phenomenon with all male species.
When you drop a male rat into a cage with a receptive female rat, you see an initial frenzy of copulation. Then, progressively, the male tires of that particular female. Even without an apparent change in her receptivity he reaches a point where he has little libido-and simply ignores her. However, if you replace the original female with a fresh one, the male immediately revives and begins copulating again. You can repeat this process with fresh females until the rat nearly dies of exhaustion. The Coolidge Effect has been observed in all mammals that have been tested. Scientists have observed it in females too. Female rodents, for example, flirt a lot more - arching in inviting displays - with unfamiliar partners than with those with which they've already copulated.
(http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect)

Glen Wilson described its usual trajectory in The Science of Sex:

Before marriage it is usual for men to initiate intercourse at a fairly high frequency with their fiancée. After a few years of marriage, however, the husband's sexual appetite begins to wane and an apparent reversal of libido may even occur, with the now frustrated wife demanding more lovemaking than her 'tired' husband is able to supply. He, of course, is still perfectly capable of being aroused by his mistresses and office girls and, if fortunate enough to secure an invitation to an orgy, would have little difficulty completing intercourse with two or three anonymous young women in the course the evening's festivities. Sex therapists see many men who are reported as 'impotent' by their wives, but who privately confess to considerable prowess with a succession of mistresses.

We learned from our biology class that a region in the midbrain (substantia nigra/ventral tegmental), which is responsible for regulating our motivation and reward-processing, responds better to novelty than to the familiar. This system also regulates levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain. (Think of dopamine as the neurochemical of all motivation.) Let's just say, you won't crave for chocolate if you eat it everyday. Understandably, you'll crave for something new.

 So does it mean that women should forever understand men everytime we catch them in the act of cheating? Of course not!
       Evolution prizes quantity of offspring above quality of life. It doesn't care about long term relationships. As a result, our ancient ancestors who impulsively had sex, lost interest, and wandered after their next partner were the most likely to pass on their genes…and their lovemaking habits.
      However, as humans we are capable of  controlling our emotions for the sake of our love for our relationship partners. It is very difficult to avoid cheating specially if there are too much opportunities to do the act. Maybe the best thing that men could do is to think of the possible consequences of their actions. According to research, 70 percent of married men hesitate in doing the act. There are some people who seemed to trigger our lust button. We should stay away from them as much as possible. For women out there, we should not entertain commited guys especially if they are married. Remember, it takes two to tango. A harmonious relationship gives no rom for adultery. In general, married men who are involved in extramarital affairs are those who are not happy with their married life. Guys, it seems fun to have some adventures while in a relationship but  a trusting relationship is also rewarding.

We should not let BIOLOGY destroy you and your partner's CHEMISTRY. (cheese!) 

72 hours

       I was still in Nueva when I received a call from my coordinator. She asked me if I could handle a Chemistry summer class.I was hesitant at first because I will be spending the rest of my summer vacation in school. However, I realized that this could be an opportunity to keep my mind busy. Besides, I want to condition my self for the incoming school year. So I decided to end my vacation .
       My first encounter with the boy was not so impressive. He was late and I waited for an hour. 
I have to admit that I was judging him already because I have heard negative feedbacks about him.
    The boy is towering at 6'1", according to him he was a basketbal varsity player before. He handed me his schedule. Oh it's 72 hours that means we have to endure each other's company for almost a month.


      One morning, I caught him glancing at me while he was answering the worksheets. I asked the boy if there's a problem. He asked me if we could talk after he answered all his worksheets. I agreed but in one condition, he should get perfect scores. Amazingly,  when I checked his papers, he didn't have any mistakes.



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It's Chem time! Name: ______________________                             Score: ______________ 1)What is the volume of a tank that can hold 18 754 kg of methanol whose density is 0.788g/cm3 2) My gas tank in my car has a total volume of 68 L. The manual says the gas gauge light will come on when there are only 5 L remaining in the tank and that the car will not be able to draw on the last 2 L in the tank. Practically speaking, what is the functional volume of the gas tank? If I ran out of gas, the car won't go, and I put in 5 L of gas, what is the total volume of gas in my tank? If 5 L of gas has a mass of 450 kg, what is the mass of the gas in my tank? What is the density of the gas? 3) Instructions: Fill in the table, color all the metals blue, nonmetals green and metalloids pink. Periodic Table Worksheet 4)      Balance this:  H3PO4 + Ca(OH)2 → Ca3(PO4)2 + H2O 5)  The alpha particle scattering experiment was carried out by E. Rutherford J. J. Thomson J. Chadwick E. Goldstein

      I asked him: "What is your question?"
I almost laughed after hearing his questions: "Miss, do you still remember your first love?" "What do girls want in a guy?"
I was surprised because I did not expect that a teenager like him would ask questions like that. From then on, he seemed to be more comfortable with me. He started asking more questions about girls, about life and anything under the sun. He expressed his deepest regrets, his triumphs and darkest secrets. I noticed that he became more receptive to the lessons that I taught him because he seldom committed mistakes in any of his worksheets. He would ask me small favors such as watching the video of his favorite model during breaktime and even giving in to his LSS (last song syndrome). See the power of motivation. Everyday had been a teachable moment not only for him but also for me. We should also give teenagers a chance to be heard and be understood. 

       Today is the last day of our summer sessions. I can't say that we became close friends but at least we made the most out of our time together as student and mentor. I won't forget this experience. I never expected that 72 hours of summer session would give me the opportunity to learn some of the most significant lessons in life. Above all, I learned these from a boy.

 

  Chem Jokes:

Why did the ice cube get divorced?
> >His wife said he was too cold.

What did the match tell the flame? > >Baby, you make me lose my head.

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
> >Because it was polar.

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.

 



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Biernes Santo

   Last Good Friday I, together with my two sons , went to the parish church to hear the mass. I remember when I was younger, my grandmother and I used to hear mass every Sunday and we always join the procession during Good Friday. My grandmother cannot do that anymore because at the age of 72, she can hardly walk due to osteoathritis. Now that I have my own kids, it's my turn to relive that "legacy". 
   The church was crowded with churchgoers from all walks of life. I recognized some of my former classmates, my former teachers who didn't age a bit, former school heartthrobs, former class bullies, and so many strangers. I was too distracted during that time and I could hardly focus because of the extreme heat.
    I closed my eyes  and I tried my best to focus on the homily.The priest's homily really struck me. I didn't understand why I had this feeling that he was referring to me.
    I was really devastated, but I had no one to turn to. No one would understand me. It's so difficult to pretend that I'm happy in front of other people but in reality I felt so alone. I felt like I've lost a lot - my self-worth, my self esteem, my self respect. Everyday has been a struggle to keep my sanity... to stop blaming my self for everything that happened to me.
    Part of the Good Friday mass is the kissing of the crucifix. The priest stood at the center of the aisle while holding a big crucificix. I joined the queue of the churchgoers and waited patiently for my turn. I walked as if I was carrying a heavy cross. I kissed the feet of Jesus Christ on the cross and mumbled a short prayer asking Him to help me ease the emotional pain. 
    After the mass, we joined the procession. It was a long journey. We went home tired and hungry.